There’s been so much going on I really don’t know where to start.
Depression is hell, it’s made worse by having parents that live in the same state but don’t talk to you, with their only reason being I haven’t contacted them. Over it.I sent a message to my dad for his birthday, having not had contact with him because of my sister, for over 12 years. I didn’t expect some glowing, glittery letter of heartfelt thankfulness from him in response, but a ‘thanks’ wouldn’t be bad, would it? Instead I received what I have always received from him, nothing.
I’m the only one in our family to have gone to university, and I now have a Master of Arts (Writing) to show for it; did I even receive a congratulations from either parent – even if it had to be through a third-party? No. Not one word. No ‘well done’, nothing. So, I’m done. I extended the olive branch by sending that message and I feel like I have all my life, unwanted and unloved by my father.
I am not asking for sympathy, I do not write this in order to hurt anybody or to plead the victim, I write this because of the incredible amount of pain I feel every time I receive no acknowledgement from my own parents. I haven’t done anything wrong; I’ve never stolen from them, lied, cheated them out of anything, heck, I used to drive my dad shopping whenever he needed it because my sister could only ever be relied upon to be either drunk or under the influence of something. It breaks my heart to know I can’t talk to my family here, or more to the truth, they can’t talk to me; but I won’t let this stop me either. I’ve been looking after myself basically from when my father left when I was 12 and my mother turned in to the psychotic divorced wife, so really, I’m just carrying on as usual, looking after myself by myself.
Only now, it’s different. I have a goal, a purpose and a dream to keep working to achieve.
I am treating my move to Queensland as an adventure, I’m putting behind me every thing from the past and trying my hardest to keep moving forward.
Having PTSD makes the whole driving to Queensland thing a crazy kind of stressful, but I am doing it. I have no time limit and can see a few things on the way, maybe even visit some people; de-stress, shed.
I don’t have time in my life left to waste on those who don’t want me in their lives, and for the first time ever I’m thinking of my own happiness and moving forward to a wonderful life in sunny Queensland.
23 weeks to go, not that I’m counting.
I’ve organised for removals to take some stuff as a back-load and I’ll be selling off and giving away what’s left, ready to start fresh over the other side of the country.
I’ll keep you all informed, it’s a scary, bumpy ride I’m on at the moment, lets just hope for a soft landing.
Be kind to everyone,